Fathers Day

Yesterday was Fathers Day.

I worked Saturday night into Sunday morning...got home and ate some Fruit Loops and laid down my weary body for a short nap.  I knew I had to get up soon and get through working a full shift....then a planned time of opening cards to celebrate fathers day.


Some days it's challenging to get through life, let alone a celebration like Fathers day.

How about me...do I even miss my Dad, do I have some good memories to draw from?  I feel pretty numb on the subject.  The one memory I recall from a fathers day is Dad telling me to "forget the cards and any gifts...he just wants obedience." I was deflated and devastated.

Now that he's gone I want to tell him..."really Dad, I want so much more than the obedience...I need you.  I need your spirit of getting through... forging ahead, but we all need to hear your voice.  We need your leadership to speak into the void of the uncertain.  We all want your laugh..deep, loud billowing laughter that makes us all feel together and part of your inner circle."

I have heard a common denominator in conversations with my brothers and sisters....it is that they wish they would get the dad they saw when they would see him interact with neighbors or friends.  The guy who would be your best pal and give you the shirt off his back.  The friend you would call in the middle of the night when you had no where else to turn.  Work, weariness and the world has a way of taking our best and leaving a messy remnant in its place.

Fast forward back to yesterday, as my life and working two jobs so parallels my Dad's life....

 as I read my son's handwritten card....
"I am so proud of the sacrifices you have made for our family. You have been the best Dad we could ask for......"

Those words to validate me, the work I do to provide....all feels suddenly worth it.

I realize, I never connected those dots to say that to my Dad.  Maybe it would have been different had I found those words to offer him.

Man...I have great kids....and they are worth everything to me.

I spent a few minutes writing a note to each one of my children the day before. It felt a little contrived and cheesy when I was writing them. Each note talks about a significant strength of each one and how the attacks of the enemy are deliberate and are an attempt to take them out before they learn to use all that strength has for them in life.  I get done writing it and feel great because although some of the path my Dad and I walked in life are parallel, I realize they are very different.  I want to be intentional to give the words to my children that I needed and wanted, but never heard.

Dad, I will always love you and you taught me some great things.....Our heavenly father is adding to those lessons and finishing the job.....

You taught me a great work ethic and how to get through.....My other Father has taught me being a Dad is a powerful thing...to offer words that give wind to their sails and strength when there was none. There is so much more than providing and getting through...those are good things, but there is so much more before crossing the finish line in this life.  Right now there is basking in the words offered by my son...soaking it in "I am proud of you Dad."

My daughter had her card...she added a quote she found to offer me words today "when you feel like you're down to nothing, God is up to something"

He certainly is........