What is it about a dream or wish that makes us come so alive? That slight flutter within my heart that wants to believe...wants to grab hold tightly--but it's too good to believe. It's a little excitement...anxiety...hope almost fulfilled...a hope for something to happen. By definition --really a wish.
wish
wiSH/
verb
noun
- 1.
- I think I should explain. A week ago Michelle shared something personal that was laid on her heart--something private and really improbable...perhaps a wish in a perfect world. I listened...pondered what she was sharing...and having those words touch a long since buried and unattainable dream - I came to life.
Dreams can fuel us in ways no one can explain. The next morning when we had a few moments to unpack the conversation from the night before she wanted to talk about how "alive and full of life" I became when the subject came up. So much of life can be mundane and survival...our own comforts and selfishness.
Dreams bring life--they allow our hearts to fully come alive.
Little did she know what those words would mean to me and my heart.
The subject...adoption.
On the surface it looks ridiculous to even consider such things. Most parents my age are considering their next chapter in life and their children moving out and on with their own lives. With so much drama and events in our lives--why consider such things? I can hear others thinking "are you kidding me? They can't handle the children they already have!"
In 2006 Michelle and I were considering such things when a few drastic events and diagnosis buried the dream under an insurmountable pile of events. At the time I thought "God--how can you take this dream away? It's a good thing, it's not selfish...surely you will not have it end shattered?!"
Many years later as God was working on Michelle's heart...and the time and place to present this back into her mind and thoughts...She is so gifted with making our house a "home"...she makes each person feel truly cared for and special. She shared with me what she was feeling and... Boom--I was right back connected to that dream again.
What she didn't know was that I've been praying about "legacy" and how to change the world. Most people think grandiose and I have considered some ideas regarding starting a new organization...as well as I've been helping with "the Father's Heart--Abba's Way" and sharing parts of my story at father & son outings. I've even considered that perhaps sharing kindness at work might be the only significant accomplishment I leave. Many times I have observed God working change not in the big--but in the small....taking what we have and making it bigger in the end. What better way to do that than by changing 1 life?
As my story has taken twists and turns I have come to know a few truths about God the father. He recycles the pain and failures in our stories...he uses the theme of restoration and redemption as his personal fingerprints and signature on every story I've observed when we allow it.
I'm a little slow on the uptake of realizing things and connecting the dots. What I have witnessed is that my greatest joys in my life have occurred when I've allowed God to complete a story of redemption...and I've engaged in the story as a willing active participant and let him provide the opportunity--and watched him work a miracle.
One of my most valued possessions in life is my relationship with my son Grant. This relationship is fulfillment of a dream...a redemptive one where even though I didn't have that special or desire or relationship with my own dad...he taught me to not quit or give up...to pursue my son the way I had wanted to be pursued by my dad. I had no blueprint or training that qualified me other than the school of failures...God uses what we have...I knew what I didn't have...it became everything I imagined and more. Grant is my best friend. He has incredible dreams. He is a fantastic communicator...and he "gets me" when I share an idea or story.
It's just an example of God using and redeeming what was there in my life. He knows my imperfections and shortcomings and yet he sees other things in me as well. I imagine that is how God sees us.
God also has a way of leaving "calling cards" as have come to know them.
What are calling cards? Reminders that we are seen and known as only an intimate ally could know.
I have a memory of golfing with my brother about 15 years ago. Now, I hate golfing and golf was the activity--but as I teed off on that short par 3 over some water and cat tails I heard this distinct sound of a bird call. I felt the warm rays of sun beaming down onto my face. I felt the slight breeze and I saw the image of this beautiful bird in front of me.
The redwing blackbird has become a calling card for communication between God and I. It's a reminder that he remembers the joy I felt in that moment. It's like "hey Glenn...remember this? I know you care about this" and it grabs my attention.
At different times he will bring back that distinctive call to make sure he has my attention--not as the focal point--but to alert me that he's on the move and something's about to happen.
When I had the dream of making a difference in one life--reawaken last week--as soon as I spoke it out loud...drama in events and family immediately erupted. I know what it is--an attack to keep the dream from fruition. Everything possible comes against our dreams--even those with the best of intentions have ugly results against it everywhere. Even work things that were not working out suddenly change at that moment...why? Because we get everything thrown at us--even possible busyness of success to keep us from fulfilling our dreams. They are old tricks...but they work so often so we see these used repeatedly to take us out and detour us.
I brought up the "calling cards" part because this dream is not imminent...it will not be happening this month...but God was reminding me with this calling card--"hey Glenn--remember this? I do..."
God was the only one who could weave his redemption and restoration theme throughout my life with Grant"s and my relationship...to the point where we have gone to father & son weekends to talk about our relationship. Who saw this as possible?
There are other events in my life and parts of my story where the timing isn't now for redemption and restoration..but I trust God is working out his theme...I feel it ... and I know it--with deep confidence and conviction. When the time comes..if I am willing-- the pieces will all come together a a beautiful mosaic piece of redemption I couldn't possibly have dreamed. Maybe adoption isn't the path he will choose...he always dreams bigger than me.
In my own life growing up the drama of foster children and adopted children left me sad and feeling forgotten. It would be crazy to re-enter that world and wouldn't make a lot of sense in the world's economy. Logically I should be running in the opposite direction. In my heart, I know God is longing to restore and heal that piece of my story.
Although the timing is still not now...he speaks with a reminder of "hey--remember--this is something you care about...and I will redeem this too in your life."
