As we all scrambled into the tent to watch a film with Samaritans's Purse staff and the other volunteers it was clear to me--"everybody else knows what to do--they are clear in their purpose and direction...what am I doing here?"
There is a pecking order with men long after high school...depending upon the backdrop and event determines the pecking order. In this case, most of the men had hunting or thermal overalls on and insulated working boots..special gloves, the right manly tools for this type of work or a pick-up truck that concealed all of the necessary special tools amongst the rolling contents.
This was me, my son Grant and his friend--let's call him Henry. We had none of those things...just willing hearts.
We didn't quite fit the bill so we found ourselves at the far end of the pecking order with sneakers, regular gloves, sweatpants or jeans--no special thermal clothing to justify our being there.
We didn't have any special tools with us to assist either...as I looked around and sized up what was going on...I felt very incapable, when all I wanted to do was simply help people.
Henry was particularly cold and freezing...shivering visibly and we all know we can't shiver or shake or show we are cold in front of the other "real" men. Since he's young Henry must not have known the "real" men rules..do not look them in the eye unless you have the right clothing and tools and can exchange true manly stories of other times you have helped in similar situations.
In Henry's defense his father has never had time for him and his mother has pushed him to excel in schoolwork towards his degree...never able to really get attention for himself without producing academically...and even then it can be short lived attention.
What happened?
Those men began to give Henry attention. One of them gave him some gloves..another some tools, another some water...still another started sharing his work stories with him. He has mentored and shown what it looked like to be included in the "company of men." They kept him in their group and talked to him through situations throughout the day. They had him sifting through ashes recovering melted silver dollars and gems. He became a part of this story...one of the heroes that this family will never forget. He became a man that day because other men showed him how to be a man--and they put their stamp of approval on him--they bestowed it upon him.
By lunchtime he was sharing stories and someone had shared their lunch with him (real men apparently pack extra lunches for these events as well in case those of us just show up not knowing all of the rules of preparation). By the end of the day it was tough to pull Henry away from his new pack of coworkers. He was not shivering..he was full of joy and youthful exuberance...he was re energized by the work and interaction.
Of course it would be difficult to leave--everyone wants acceptance...Henry found acceptance in being mentored by all of the men of that group. The family he was helping knew him by name and were sharing their fire story with him directly.
The day before this Henry didn't even know he was going to do this. He honestly believed he would do this to add something to his resume to please others...or recruiters, his parents...what he discovered was when real men--mentor other young men...the world becomes a better place for all.
