I watched and listened to his words as if they were coming from someone close that I wished were mentoring me.
A man of the people, rising up from his neighborhood...He is the poster child for the spirit that will not quit. There has always been something deep within me that loves that spirit.
I have always felt like something of an underdog...a middle class kid from a family that really didn't belong in true middle class where we were. My parents ended up in a great place at a great time..it's called timing and it was good enough to propel most of us kids forward to opportunities we wouldn't have had otherwise...for me, I would have been lost had we stayed in the big city, Lost...
For the better part of high school and college and my early adult life, I was still fighting. I'm not even sure what I was fighting anymore...after a while it was about the fight more than the reality of the situation. I was fighting for my place at the table, whether that was work or in my family...I fought on---feeling unworthy of my place at the table and not believing I had one. In fact, the very mention of the words still hurts deep within today as they have played out and the music has stopped and there was no chair.
Fast forward many years and while I was at my lowest points and starting to fight on and climb the mountain again for respect, credibility and reputation in my personal and vocational life...it was my son Grant who asked the big question..."Dad, how do you get up after working 18 hours and then sleeping for 2 or 3 hours and do it all over and over."
I thought about it shortly and said "I don't know how to quit...I cannot fail."
It wasn't anything brilliant or brave...simply the same-never say die--only instead of it being a battle half imagined it was the battle for my family and the battle of my life. Judging by my remaining strength I was into the late rounds and Creed was amazed I was still there. Something deep inside was keeping me fighting on but instead of taking credit it was strictly survival--call it what it was--survival.
A few months passed after that discussion with my son and my gas tank was on "E". It was difficult to find the motivation to not get angry and go to self pity...enter a friend. That friend gave me what I needed--called out things he saw in me--and I listened. I shut up and listened. I wanted to refute the things he said but instead I chose to grab hold of that life preserver of encouragement tightly and paddle with all I had left.
That gold I was given that day was enough to propel me to the next stop..it was like running in a marathon and having a brother run along side with a bottle of water--just at the right time. He spoke to me concerning finding the "good in perseverance." It was a good that meant not celebrating my strength or not quitting but in finding the blessing from others that were actually getting me through. This was a change in paradigm. I didn't really believe in what he spoke that he was seeing that day, but I was willing to entertain the thought that he could see the start of something I could not see.
A few weeks after that talk came father's day and my son Grant gave me something close to my heart.
He gave a quote on his handwritten card to me. Since the hard times of January 2010--we have only given each other handwritten cards...it makes memorable moments this way. It's one of those blessings that come from the hard times that you wouldn't change for anything.
He gave me this quote from the final Rocky movie. A Rocky quote from my son? Now we've come full circle!
Grant told me it's how much you can take and still keep moving forward. He said he was proud of me that I keep engaging the fight and moving forward.
Man--what else does a dad need to hear in life?
A wife's encouragement, a son's belief in his dad...it doesn't get any better than these two things...
I read that card over and over...basking in the warmth and soaring in my spirit.
Sometimes I still feel like such an underdog in life and I still don't ever like to quit or give up...although I have learned a few things...
God births the beautiful out of the ugly struggle...
The memories and stories in the struggle are always reused and reframed to help someone else at the right time and place if I stay alert to his direction...
We were never created to fight alone...God gives us others to train with and he himself never abandons our side...
and so I fight on...but now to encourage others to persevere through the difficult and toughest of times...
It's a fight I gladly accept as this ring was made with me in mind...
