Sometimes life really hurts..it hurts way deep down and we can't touch the pain or make it go away. Yes God is still beside us and with us but the path we are on seems endless and it feels like we are all alone. There are stories in our lives that bring pain and kill peace and joy. I know where those stories and attacks come from but they still pierce me right through. There are words that even though I believe they are not true, they wound on top of old scars anyways.
The path sometimes looks hopeless and endless...what then? I call on the Holy Spirit..."please help me", "it all hurts so bad." Has God forgotten me?
I grew up in the middle of a big family and sometimes I was forgotten...those who didn't create chaos and wanted to hide from physical abuse---perhaps it was good to be forgotten at times.
When the family you grew up in was so dysfunctional and twisted that it's not safe to share the memories....
When my past disqualifies me from leading my family in the present...
When I can't see any light at the end of the tunnel....
The voices in my head won't give me peace....
The people around me are suffering and I feel I cannot provide help or answers....
When it feels like God has bigger fish to fry than my circumstances....
but......
God did provide a way out for his people when he divided the sea...
God cared about a wedding enough to provide more wine....
God cared about a little man named Zachaeus, small in stature, hated tax collector for the Romans, despised....that he pursued and changed his heart...and loved him,
I could name a million reasons I should have hope because God pursued others and cared about minute details in their lives....
He knows us all by a personal name that he has given to each of us.....and he loves us
God is the hero of this story...his way will appear, he will appear...
His perfect peace is in my heart as the tornado called life continues to swirl about me. Outer peace can be robbed--and this always used to make me so angry.... but my trust although I waiver (only human)...that trust provides my peace that He promised.
I don't have any neat little bows or quips to tie this one up...life is messy and the pain is real...perhaps you too are barely hanging on, although I really hope not.
1 Peter 5:7
I am barely hanging on as I write this, yet I trust His heart that he loves me and hasn't forgotten me.
Tuesday, August 23, 2011
Wednesday, August 17, 2011
Stories to Share
Stories...we all have one. We may not be even cognizant of our own story but we wear it on our faces, in our body language...pieces of our story leak out of our life and into others lives.
Tonight I went to the grocery store with my daughter to get flowers for my wife's birthday. As I was waiting my turn for help from one of the staff, I was listening and watching as the grocery store clerk Carmen was helping another customer. She took the flowers and added that those special touches that made the bouquet come to life. The man customer was ecstatic with the end gift he was now taking home like a prize. Now it was my turn. I commented to her what a great job she had done with the previous customer's order and asked her how she was doing. "I am tired..." she said and she got a little sad. I told Carmen I was tired too, and talked about my two jobs. When I spoke about that she seemed surprised and began to feel safer to really talk about her jobs and why she is so tired.
Carmen began to talk with me about her son and how he was starting school today. It was his first day of college. She is tired because she works cleaning houses from sunrise until midday. The second part of her day is going from cleaning to Publix Markets and working until 11 PM. As I dug in deeper into her life she began to feel safe enough to tell more of her story. "When my son was a young boy I had a daughter also and they were both very sick. We had just moved here from Mexico and I did not know five words of english---nothing!" "I took them to the hospital." She started tearing up...her daughter died that night...she never said those actual words...she didn't have to.....She said she has two boys now, and her daughter was nine, but now and made a motion of fluttering and gone with her hands. Her son was so haunted and moved by the whole experience and lack of ability to communicate that he has wanted to become a doctor since that night. He wants to make sure that nobody is left without healthcare but also someone who can talk to the patients families in many languages. "He knows English, Spanish and French" she said now getting a glimmer of hope in her eyes.
"I am working hard now so that he can make smart choices and live his dream. "It is a good dream" she said. Yes I said, it is also very noble. She seemed to think about it and nodded in agreement, "yes-noble". He has a good dream I said, the noble comes from YOU. "You are working hard to give the chance for hope"....I realize most parents will sacrifice for the sake of their children but when it stares you in the face it is no less remarkable each time you witness it.
She finished wrapping and baby's breath and I smiled "Esta muy bonita...gracias Seniorita Carmen" (it is beautiful, thank you Miss Carmen). A big smile appeared..."you speak Spanish!". Yes un pequito (a little). "God bless you Carmen" I said, quite certain He has blessed her, and He will in the future.
There was a day not too long ago that I wouldn't have engaged a stranger in any conversation...and it would have been my loss. Just a little part of her story came out this evening. Heartache, Perseverance and Hope. That is Carmen's story to me. Her trials became a blessing to a complete stranger.
Stories...we all have one....makes me wonder what the message is I am sharing with strangers.
Tonight I went to the grocery store with my daughter to get flowers for my wife's birthday. As I was waiting my turn for help from one of the staff, I was listening and watching as the grocery store clerk Carmen was helping another customer. She took the flowers and added that those special touches that made the bouquet come to life. The man customer was ecstatic with the end gift he was now taking home like a prize. Now it was my turn. I commented to her what a great job she had done with the previous customer's order and asked her how she was doing. "I am tired..." she said and she got a little sad. I told Carmen I was tired too, and talked about my two jobs. When I spoke about that she seemed surprised and began to feel safer to really talk about her jobs and why she is so tired.
Carmen began to talk with me about her son and how he was starting school today. It was his first day of college. She is tired because she works cleaning houses from sunrise until midday. The second part of her day is going from cleaning to Publix Markets and working until 11 PM. As I dug in deeper into her life she began to feel safe enough to tell more of her story. "When my son was a young boy I had a daughter also and they were both very sick. We had just moved here from Mexico and I did not know five words of english---nothing!" "I took them to the hospital." She started tearing up...her daughter died that night...she never said those actual words...she didn't have to.....She said she has two boys now, and her daughter was nine, but now and made a motion of fluttering and gone with her hands. Her son was so haunted and moved by the whole experience and lack of ability to communicate that he has wanted to become a doctor since that night. He wants to make sure that nobody is left without healthcare but also someone who can talk to the patients families in many languages. "He knows English, Spanish and French" she said now getting a glimmer of hope in her eyes.
"I am working hard now so that he can make smart choices and live his dream. "It is a good dream" she said. Yes I said, it is also very noble. She seemed to think about it and nodded in agreement, "yes-noble". He has a good dream I said, the noble comes from YOU. "You are working hard to give the chance for hope"....I realize most parents will sacrifice for the sake of their children but when it stares you in the face it is no less remarkable each time you witness it.
She finished wrapping and baby's breath and I smiled "Esta muy bonita...gracias Seniorita Carmen" (it is beautiful, thank you Miss Carmen). A big smile appeared..."you speak Spanish!". Yes un pequito (a little). "God bless you Carmen" I said, quite certain He has blessed her, and He will in the future.
There was a day not too long ago that I wouldn't have engaged a stranger in any conversation...and it would have been my loss. Just a little part of her story came out this evening. Heartache, Perseverance and Hope. That is Carmen's story to me. Her trials became a blessing to a complete stranger.
Stories...we all have one....makes me wonder what the message is I am sharing with strangers.
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