I'm Hungry

He was standing in front of me "I'm hungry" he said.  Torn army green jacket, shredded shorts, unmatched socks....I looked up at his face unshaven, weathered, and dirty....

I got him a cold cup of ice water and had him sit in the dining room in the air conditioning.  Some of the other "regulars" made a face at me having him sit down.  Thoughts were racing in my head....some of the crew were warning me "now he'll be back every day."  Possibly will turn out they are right I thought to myself. "Then the word will get out and you'll have all of them here" someone said.

I was picturing my dining room filled with homeless people milling about.

It doesn't matter.  This man needs food....not a tract or a IGBOK bumper sticker...for him it's NOT going to be OK unless someone acts.

Flash back to a time years back when I was headed to a sporting event downtown with my nephew and my young son.  Because we always lived in the suburbs I never really thought about the adventure part of being in the city for my son.  He was wide eyed and taking it all in.  Unlike myself...he really seemed to love all of the tall building and all of the mass of people.

Suddenly a man popped out from behind a tree and asked if we could help out a brother.  I was already passed him and moving on. My brother in law Steve looked at him and saw him.  He talked with him a few brief sentences and slipped some cash into his hand.

My son Grant had many questions for me.  "What did he want Dad?, Why is he so dirty Dad, Why did Uncle Steve give him money Dad, Why didn't YOU give him something Dad?."

Ashamed of what I had taught my son...I quickly reasoned "well Grant, in the city we could run into someone almost every block in need and we don't have enough to share with all of them."  He looked around and said "I don't see anyone else Dad...just him."

I was so unnerved after that that I never enjoyed the sporting event.  I thought about it isn't what we say but what we do that speaks about who we really are.  Another quote I've recently heard "People will listen to what you say but they will believe what they see you do."

What should we do with others in need?

If we can--- we can give them a seat at the table and help them...let them know they are seen and not invisible.

I was hungry at my second job that night but I pictured if my son was watching me...he would have had a whole different set of questions from the events of this day....ones I would have been happy to answer.

In my past life when I sold musical gear there was a young act that came into my office having just arrived in Nashville.  They had a hit later that same year and the lyrics are relevant to this post.

The Twenty-First Time Lyrics Monk & Neagle

Monk & Neagle Lyrics – The Twenty-First Time

Nowhere to live, nowhere to fall
He used to have money, but he’s wasted it all.
His face is a photograph burned in my mind,
but I pretend not to see him for the twenty-first time

He sleeps under stars, that’s all he can afford
His blanket’s an old coat he’s had since the war
He stands on the corner of Carter and Vine
But I pretend not to see him for the twenty-first time

He may be a drifter, he’s grown old and gray
But what if he’s Jesus and I walk away?
I say I’m the body and drink of the wine
but I pretend not to see him for the twenty-first time

She’s twenty-nine but she feels forty-eight
She can’t raise three kids on minimum wage
She’s cryin’ in back of the welfare line
but I pretend not to see her for the twenty-first time

She may be a stranger tryin’ to get through the day
but what if it’s Jesus and I walk away?
I say I’m the body and drink of the wine
but I pretend not to see her for the twenty-first time

This is a call for a change in my heart
I realize that I’ve not been doin’ my part
when I needed a Savior, I found it in Him
He gave to me, now I’ll give back to them

Drifter or stranger, father or son
I’ll look for Jesus in every one
’cause I am the body and drink of the wine
and I’m thankful there’s more than the twenty-first time

a Magical Day

A few weeks ago I took my daughter to an event called Father's Delight.  It is a local event here in Nashville to connect fathers and daughters in a meaningful way.

For many of the dads it was great to see the electronics turned off and their attention switch on.  My youngest is adventurous and loved the day that was planned.
For information regarding this event
http://abbasway.com/fathers-heart-upcoming-events/fathers-delight/#comment-1860

The day started with the dads coming with a note about some special things about their daughters that is unique about them and that we find special and beautiful.  We also wrote a note about how excited we were about the day ahead and spending this time together.  While the dads were being briefed on the coming activities...the daughters were receiving a diary keepsake for photos and to journal about the activities later on in the day.


There were many activities together and the day was action packed.  Together we zip lined over the trees...did a horseback trail ride, giant swing...but our favorite was the alpine tower climb.  We were harnessed up with spotters and climber up this tower and together stood up at the pinnacle with our arms raised in triumph looking out over the whole camp and lake.

After the activities was a ceremony.  This ceremony was to let our daughters know those things that we find beautiful and unique about them.  She listened so intently and absorbed every word I said like it was a treasure.  She was surprised about the things I picked out about her.... her incredible imagination, quick wit, love for singing, sense of adventure........she felt "seen."  Everyone wants to know they matter in this world....everyone.

After the ceremony a surprise...the daughters had each written their dad a note...mine will be cherished forever.  I also felt "seen" by her. She "loves me because when the going gets tough..I don't run...I stay and fight."

We went home and got cleaned up for the ball---a princess ball.  There was a rose waiting for each princess and photo time.  The princess was taken back to the princess room for make up, sparkles....and of course a tiara.

I don't ever dance...but I danced this night because she made it ok for me to look a little crazy and foolish...just plain old fun.  Seeing other fathers I knew dancing with their daughters...it was fun, fun, fun.  Even our DJ was one of the dads from our group.

I remember during the ceremony earlier some of the dads with tears in their eyes saying some of the most wonderful and loving things to their daughters.  How can you ever recreate such moments in time?

I remember my thought from earlier in the day.....I want to be very intentional about speaking the things I see in her regularly and not just on special occasions which are far too rare and too far in between.

She is a treasure....and I have been trusted with her.....

What an incredible day!

Fathers Day

Yesterday was Fathers Day.

I worked Saturday night into Sunday morning...got home and ate some Fruit Loops and laid down my weary body for a short nap.  I knew I had to get up soon and get through working a full shift....then a planned time of opening cards to celebrate fathers day.


Some days it's challenging to get through life, let alone a celebration like Fathers day.

How about me...do I even miss my Dad, do I have some good memories to draw from?  I feel pretty numb on the subject.  The one memory I recall from a fathers day is Dad telling me to "forget the cards and any gifts...he just wants obedience." I was deflated and devastated.

Now that he's gone I want to tell him..."really Dad, I want so much more than the obedience...I need you.  I need your spirit of getting through... forging ahead, but we all need to hear your voice.  We need your leadership to speak into the void of the uncertain.  We all want your laugh..deep, loud billowing laughter that makes us all feel together and part of your inner circle."

I have heard a common denominator in conversations with my brothers and sisters....it is that they wish they would get the dad they saw when they would see him interact with neighbors or friends.  The guy who would be your best pal and give you the shirt off his back.  The friend you would call in the middle of the night when you had no where else to turn.  Work, weariness and the world has a way of taking our best and leaving a messy remnant in its place.

Fast forward back to yesterday, as my life and working two jobs so parallels my Dad's life....

 as I read my son's handwritten card....
"I am so proud of the sacrifices you have made for our family. You have been the best Dad we could ask for......"

Those words to validate me, the work I do to provide....all feels suddenly worth it.

I realize, I never connected those dots to say that to my Dad.  Maybe it would have been different had I found those words to offer him.

Man...I have great kids....and they are worth everything to me.

I spent a few minutes writing a note to each one of my children the day before. It felt a little contrived and cheesy when I was writing them. Each note talks about a significant strength of each one and how the attacks of the enemy are deliberate and are an attempt to take them out before they learn to use all that strength has for them in life.  I get done writing it and feel great because although some of the path my Dad and I walked in life are parallel, I realize they are very different.  I want to be intentional to give the words to my children that I needed and wanted, but never heard.

Dad, I will always love you and you taught me some great things.....Our heavenly father is adding to those lessons and finishing the job.....

You taught me a great work ethic and how to get through.....My other Father has taught me being a Dad is a powerful thing...to offer words that give wind to their sails and strength when there was none. There is so much more than providing and getting through...those are good things, but there is so much more before crossing the finish line in this life.  Right now there is basking in the words offered by my son...soaking it in "I am proud of you Dad."

My daughter had her card...she added a quote she found to offer me words today "when you feel like you're down to nothing, God is up to something"

He certainly is........

What is Full Restoration?

Does anyone really know what full restoration is--or what it looks like?

Ever seen some big story in the news about a ponzi scheme...or some pastor that succumbed to sin and was disgraced???? You never get to follow through the story to full restoration.  Why is that?

Our society celebrates the fall of heroes and stars.....do we care after the headline fades or do we look for the next headliner?

What is it about the people we consider "the really big sinners" that disqualifies them from love from anyone in the church?  Why is it an unspoken rule that they be cut off from the very place they worshipped in and where leaders and neighbors should know more about unconditional love than anywhere else.  This is not a church slamming session or anything negative of the kind....just a question to wedge a foot in the door with an idea of true mercy and what it might look like. OK, I guess I would like to kick that door down! (Where's Samson to tear the door off the hinges when you need him?)

I was in working out at the rec. center and in walks the pastor for small group leaders.  At one point not so long ago...I was a small group leader.  I haven't been attending church hardly at all....and my family withdrew from our small group without so much as a call from the leader.  He knows part of my story, surely he cares about what is going on.  No, I got the Nashville nod...the old look away and pretend I am not here.  

So I went up and said Hi anyways (not "bless your heart") just because it would be so unlike me to be the initiator.  The last time I saw this man I was depressed to the point of extreme severity....the lowest point of my life...in fact I didn't want to live anymore.  Rather than just grill him negatively let's just agree that people rarely follow up into difficult circumstances...or rarely take the road less traveled to pursue someone in need. It makes us uncomfortable and requires us to give of ourselves.  It's one thing to talk the talk.....rarely do we see the full walk portrayed out.  It wouldn't need to be a perfect walk...heck we are all sinners.  Just looking for the mercy from a member of the greatest house of mercy-God's church.

Mercy101....we were all adopted into God's family where we never deserved any of it.
Mercy202--for the really Good Saints--see above...you're no better, still just forgiven where we never deserved it.
Mercy303...you are elevated to the status of the first guy crossing the road in the good Samaritan story (note--this is not a good thing)
Mercy404---in this advanced course we hope to break you of your ingrained church speak and habits and get you to simply pass on grace and mercy to others where it is needed.


Seriously though, Where do we go once the mercy and grace have been granted to us?  We spread the ring out further...we speak words into difficult situations where no one wants to.  We invest in others when it costs us something. Our story was never meant to be about safety and security....it was always meant to be a much larger story.  Restoration is one of those large story themes...check the Bible...yep, it's true.

Just a few.....

Peter denied Christ cursing and spitting....he is the Rock and given the keys to heaven.
Jonah runs away and takes a 3 day pass inside a really bad fish hotel.  He comes back and delivers the message and is party to witnessing revival and grace.
Zaccheus is small in stature and hated as a tax collector for the Roman occupants of his country.  He changes and gives until it hurts...does a 180 with his whole life, becomes huge in stature.
The prodigal son...wasteful, hurtful and selfish.  He comes home to beg to be a slave. He is welcomed back and loved.

Jesus walked on this earth as fully man and fully God.  He seems to understand we fall down and lose our way.  Yet he also sees something in each life --something Big, something True, something in the Future--something yet in the Present---that the person he's engaging doesn't picture yet.  I guess we are all slow on letting go of the past.  He takes away cloaks of shame and gives us capes of mercy and grace. He has a name to give us that he's intended for us since the day we were born.

What does full restoration look like?

To be honest---I'm not totally sure..I've never seen it walked out and modeled.

It's probably awkward and imperfect like we are. It's not a Hollywood scene.....

I do have an idea what it might feel and look like.  In the movie Antwone Fisher there is a scene that Antwone dreams about and then comes to pass at the very end.  In an almost dreamlike scene he is brought into a large banquet hall where there are friends and family waiting to celebrate him and share a feast of dishes made by the people who love him.  This is a celebration feast......Hugs, conversation, celebration......

It looks like a life restored.......

My Favorite Word------"Re....."

My Favorite Word----"Re...."

some people have a favorite word...mine is a favorite prefix because it goes with amazing thoughts...

Redeem
Restore
Renew
Rebuild
Recreate
Relate
Remake
Redo
Resume
Remade
Refresh
Reconcile
Reconnect
Replay
Redemption
Reclaim
Reform
Recommit
Remember
Reclaim
Reaffirm
Realign
Reallocate
Reanchor
Rearrange

So many words that bring good thoughts to mind begin with Re---....

See one I missed? Please send a reply and post it...share it with everyone.  Take the time to do it for someone who might need that word in their life today.

Thanks

The Broken Mower

Some things used to drive me crazy....well they still can at times.  Why is it that appliances and things always break at the worst times?

I have a dishwasher down.....washer at times...and now the lawnmower!

The lawnmower...really????!

In my culdesac all but two of us have a lawn service so I need my lawnmower to work.

The broken mower has become a symbol that keeps me aligned.  I know you might be scratching your head, but God knows how we are all wired.  He knows I love to be self sufficient and have everything planned out via my strength...my resources...my plan...my my Oh my.


By taking away the mower God once again forced me to relate to others and humbly ask for what I need. It is a small snapshot of where he has taken me the past bit of my journey, always reminding me and nudging me to depend on him more and more.

When I rely on others and not just myself, it allows for relationship and the story to expand further than my little kingdom.

My one neighbor, Lee is a handy man and has a work ethic even I could respect if not envy.  After I asked him to borrow the mower the first time he now places it fully gassed up outside his fence and in my yard waiting for me.  I gas it up after I'm done (least I can do) and we both get a laugh out of taking care of that for each other.

Last Monday I came home after a very stressful week of work and realized my whole front and side yard were mowed completely and trimmed.  I went over late at night to thank Lee who was sort of embarrassed and played it off that actually leaving his job early for one night gave him a chance to cut it for me so he could clear his head and enjoy the outdoors for once.

One of the coolest things about my lack of a mower is how I think it might play into Lee's story and where it is headed.  Without my misfortune, other blessings don't come.  In fact they lay unrealized.

Looking at Lee's ear to ear grin I realized he was blessed by doing it and I was blessed by his act of service and kindness.  More than the service was feeling connected to neighbors like in the old days before we all became self sufficient and quarantined.

Hate to be cliche but it fits...again God uses the broken

the Rain Dance

Yesterday was a crazy day...who knew it would lead to a rain dance?

I had a breakthrough this past week.  I had been working through some issues and forgiveness of a close brother..in fact it was my brother.  This brother is someone I looked up to and loved spending time with...we worked together and laughed together, sometimes cried together.

I wronged my brother.

 Not just once.

 Over a period of time, many times over.  I tried to justify it in many ways that it was ok because after all I was being taken advantage of, or I was owed much more for my diligence, loyalty...fill in the blank....Whatever my version of the story and reality.....it gave me no peace.

Then the light shone in on this dark dark secret.

The light has no interest in story...the light doesn't care about reasoning, motives, ambition or intended things...the light is pure and knows only light.

I made a call and wanted to share with my brother that I no longer carried any of that...I missed him..that I wanted to forgive and hopefully be forgiven...I knew if I could share my forgiveness in attitude that it would free me.  Forgiveness is like that.

In the book The Shack by William Young there is a dialogue between God and Mac the main character that undergoes change throughout the story. "I want you to forgive" God says.  "Forgiveness is first for you, the forgiver...to release you from something that will eat you alive, that will destroy your joy and your ability to love fully and openly. Can anyone else know your pain you carry from all of this?  In releasing that you release from the other person a burden that they carry whether they choose to or not. When you forgive another you love him well."

Mac replied..."I can't be honest with that and love them back." Not today you can't said God.  Forgiveness does not require you to pretend that circumstances never happened.  How can you forget?  You can love in the face of it.  His change allows for that.  Forgiveness does not require you to trust the one you forgive. But should they confess and repent, you will discover a miracle in your own heart and begin to build a trust bridge of reconciliation."

God, I think I understand but it seems if I forgive then this guy gets off free.  Mac, Forgiveness does not excuse anything.  The last thing this guy is--is free.  As for justice...that is my role. I will handle that.

This is a long exert and a beautiful picture of how we humans have anger and emotions but God still wants forgiveness...and as we do it over and over it is ourselves who change until the point it is natural and true and God can be handed back the reigns of control of justice.

I was so happy to see my brother as the sun streamed in on us and we made some small talk.   Bottom line was that the forgiveness was there for the asking...as soon as I put all my issues down....and just gave it...it was given back a thousand fold.  "The debt is forgiven.  All I want is the relationship."

I asked God for a few small things before this meeting...I got what only He could have planned all along....

As I shared with my Son what I had given up and what I received in return....he began shaking, he was amazed and overwhelmed with happiness.  I was at work last night but I heard the stories today about my Son's great joy of the reconciliation and restoration.....He grabbed his two sisters and told them "we are going out in the rain...you can use my sweatshirt if you want...don't worry...it's just like a shower. Rain is just another sign of how great God's power is..."  They all went out into the rain and ran around the yard...ran around the neighborhood with abandon Joy.

 "This is a CELEBRATION rain dance" he said.

They played together last night...shared talks about the past three years events, their hopes and dreams....played flashlight tag, cared for each other....PURE JOY.

Forgiveness is a cleansing shower....leave it to kids to point out the obvious.